So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
