either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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