I bet he comes in French.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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