i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did you just send me my own nude
My dick has a subreddit
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
