I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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