I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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