HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
