dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
