So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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