Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
