i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Small penises have feelings too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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