We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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