Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
