hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
