somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
