Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
