weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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