Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
