Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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