I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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