I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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