Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
