Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
