I wish I only lived at night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
