Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My first STD was from a foam party
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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