Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
