you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
