so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
