Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
