Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
