he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
