Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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