i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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