the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
