that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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