I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
