i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
