peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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