I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
