If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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