Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
