He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
