I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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