Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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