I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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