i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
