That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
