I wish I could punch you in the face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
