guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
