take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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