So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
