I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
