I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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