I'm lost and stupid without you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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