i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
