I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
