I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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