just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do herpes really smell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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