did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
