I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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