I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
