You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
