I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
