so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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