did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize